Discerning elucidations regarding whatever comes to mind.

Active and Passive 6 March, 2009

Filed under: Rambling — bonzairob @ 11:37 pm

I think sometimes that there is a big difference between various types of entertainment, and that it’s best described as active vs. passive.
Speaking for myself, I am a creative person. Active entertainment for me includes drawing, making music, occasionally writing, coding, and simpler things like playing video games (PC more than console as of late. Stupid Nintendo). Passive entertainment is something I want more when I’m sleepy, or otherwise drained: reading, watching videos, listening to music. However, I usually end up feeling bad because I’m not doing anything active, as I should aim to constantly improve my skills (or feel like I should).
Perhaps this is when I blame the Creativity Fairy. After reading this post on Wired, I’ve started blaming my Creativity Fairy for creativity coming, as it has with the inception of this post, when I can’t really do anything useful with it. It’s useful in some ways (I don’t feel so bad for not having any sparks) but less so in others. It usually makes me wonder if the fairy is ever going to bother me, for instance, when the sun is up, or when I have pencil poised over paper, finger over key or fret, etc.

My to do list:
Draw a thing a day for a week (two so far over three days… need to make it up tomorrow :C )
Make a simple clip-on mic for Ruth (I have the parts, just need to glue them together)
Uni work including making a musical instrument and jazzing up some retro game tunes (need to email people things…)

Work on the Sauce site and try to free it of bugs
Art for TurnShip and TuRnPG (on hold until I feel like I can draw worth a damn)
General university and personal work.

I’m worried regarding my Fairy visiting me at the right moment because, in high schol, it often did. But since I left for university, I honestly don’t feel I’ve written better music or can draw any better. I can perhaps get to the same point faster, but that’s a case of technical skill improving marginally, not the talent itself. Is this as good as I will ever be, stuck being a quarter good at coding, music, art, writing? Should I focus on one thing to be fully good at it, and even if I did, which one should it be? Will I ever achieve the potential people said, and I thought, that I had?
I’m not doing very well at university; it seems like even though I can feel music in me, I can’t access it as readily as I did once. It doesn’t force it’s way out like it used to, either. I don’t care about famous/popular bands or musicians. I don’t get lost in sound like I once could. I don’t really feel it. Have I lost something I never understood?

Anyway, it’s about time I gave up on this post. To finally sum up, in a TL;DR fashion: